Two for One Rant Day! Hastings Book Buy Back and LIHEAP

First off, I am not always as grumpy as I sound on this blog. It just a way to put information out there for the general public.

I read some online reviews on the Hastings book buy back program. Those reviews convinced me this was the way to remove some clutter from the homestead.

Loading up three large canvas shopping bags, off I headed to town. My collection consists mainly of hardback, first printings, of Stephen King Novels. All in excellent condition. My vision, after reading the reviews, was to come out with approx 130.00, store credit.

Complete joke. It took all I had to not come home with my books. Clearing clutter was the goal, not padding my pocketbook, so , yes, I did go ahead and leave my collection at the store. Very disappointed. After all was said and done, my choice was a measly 20.00 store credit, or 12.00 in cash.

My advice to anyone else thinking of going this route, don't. Find another way to get your books into the hands of someone who would like to read them. This was really hiway robbery. Having browsed their used book selection previously, they sell these very hardcovers starting from 9.00 up to 14.99. I can't even comprehend that amount of markup. Donate to a library or local jail instead. You clutter will be gone and you could feel good about the decision to get rid of it.


Ok, then. On to my second gripe. LIHEAP. For anyone not familiar, it stands for, Oklahoma Low-Income Energy Help. This is what most states utilized stimulus monies for. If you meet the income guidelines, you qualified for new windows, doors, heat/air unit, hot water tank blanket, insulation, those low wattage bulbs, and also , insulation for the attic.

Its a very long process, start to finish. First there was all the paperwork to find out if you qualify, then an appointment to measure the doors and windows and inspect your heat and air, along with checking your current insulation.

My Mother in law, qualified. She lives alone, and survives on her social security check. Not sure if her handicapp status, she is wheelchair bound along with o2 dependent, gave her extra points or not.

First off, the windows they put in, are aluminum, are not double pane, and they resemble storm windows. The sit on the outside of her window frames, leaving the entire sill inside the house open. Her hands are so crippled up, she is not able to open nor close them. Yes, they are better than the single pane/glazed windows she had, but, at least she could push them up.

Second, they removed a gas heater from her house, that kept her plenty warm and worked in case of power outtages. This was replaced by a smaller, wall heater with a fan, that is too small. It does not heat her home well, even with new windows and doors. That is not the worst of it. The thing has broken down 3 times already.

We have a cold front that caused our temps to dive. The lows for tonight are forcasted to be 42. My husband attempted to light this heater, and it would not light. He has now gone in search of a new thermacoupler, because, guess what, the warranty expired last month. It just does not seem right. How can the warranty expire on a part that is now going to be replaced for the third time in the last year????

I am sure the LIHEAP program looks good on paper. It was supposed to save these folks from enourmous utility bills. However, as it turns out, the utility rates have increased so much, that this was of no help to her monthly budget, and our electric company just announced for the second time this year, another 3% increase, beginning in July. Ok, well maybe it will keep her from paying out even more, but, that was not part of the plan.

Pancreaticoduodenectomy, AKA, The Whipple

The following blog was inspired by constant questions on Cancer message boards. Those who are facing this surgery, search high and low for any information, needing to know what to expect. I was in the exact same position, almost three years ago. My searching before the surgery, did not yield many results....

My Whipple surgery was Sept 20, 2008. I spent 9 days in the hospital, unable to keep any food down. My hospital stay would have been extended, but, I demanded to be released. The only reason they wanted to keep me was because of the vomiting, but, they had no treatment for it. It was just my bodies way of finding the new path.

At the date of my release, I had not lost any weight. Pretty sure this was due to the iv's full of fluids, as my body was so bloated I felt I could have floated away.

From then until about Thanksgiving, I continued to vomit up everything. My appetite was good, just could not keep it down. There was no use in taking enzymes at this point. Despite the pain pills and anti nausea meds, I also continued with the "dumping" symdrome. My nutrition came in the form of a can of ensure, given to me by the case by the American Cancer Society. A god send, as this stuff cost 6.50 for a six pack , retail. Be sure to check into this. I mixed up fruit smoothies using this as a base, used bananas, and fresh strawberries and peach's that I had frozen the summer before.

Finally, around Christmas, I was able to find some comfort foods that would stay down. Chicken noodle soup, cottage cheese, mashed potatos and gravy, slices of cheese.

At this point, I had lost 70 pounds. I was then started on enzymes, that only helped my body to absorb some nutrients, the dumping symdrome however continues to this day. Nothing has helped with that, nor the extreme bloating and gas. The original enzymes, was then discontinued due to a ruling by the fda, and I was put on creon. Creon and I do not get along. There is something in them that makes me break out in hives.

I was never advised to have chemo nor radiation. Had big fights with my insurance over follow up PET scans, my blood work is checked every four months, and so far so good.

With Pancreatic Cancer survival rates being so low, one automatically qualifies for disability. Mine is a three year term, at that time, I believe it will be re evaluated. I am unable to return to work, due to my new digestive process, as the gas and dumping are not controllable at this point. I have days where I look and have been accused of being nine months pregnant, the gas and bloating are that bad. I seem to be alone as no one here understands the pain that much gas causes a person, and have become a hermit, cause its extremely embarrasing , and I have no control over it. It wants out when it wants out.

My life after a whipple sucks, but, I can tell you, that with four friends and family members who has passed away, all from lung cancer, since my diagnosis, I am positive, that any of them would have gladly traded places with me.

I continue to tell people, that God has a plan for me that has yet to reveal itself.

Everyones Whipple Surgery recovery is different. I am amazed of the ones who seemingly hop out of that bed and get back to work and only dream of finding a working concoction of medicines and or diet, that would help me progress back into the world.

My life today takes planning. Something I have never been very good at.
If there is something needing done that will take me out of the house, its usually done between lunch hour and supper hour. If there are plans to go out of town, seldom happens, but, hey, we do occassionally make a day trip, I must carefully monitor what is eaten the day or two before, get up early enough in the morning of, so my body can empty itself, sometime its 3 or 4 trips to the potty before I can safely say lets go. As the day wears on and the body begins to bloat, and the gas pains start, its time to call it a day. At times I will attempt to extend the day, but this can become extremely painful.

I do hope the day will come where I am again able to be a productive member of society. Until I can find a Dr. who can figure this out, and work with me on finding solutions, please forgive me for not being in attendance in many, if any, social functions, or even taking an early exit, if I am able to be there.

My Spanking of the Day Award.....

My spanking of the day, award, goes to "Aldi's" grocery store.

In this day of so many people going hungry, do you really need to be throwing your waste into the dumpster? Its pretty sad when a loaf of bread that seems fresher than one I purchased in this very store the day before, is retrieved from you dumpster. I ohhh and ah over your fresh produce, but, leave it in the store many times because the prices do no meet my budget. Only to find the next day it comes to my house via an older gentlemen who has taken to dumpster diving.

Here is an idea. Why not offer what you deem as unacceptable in the stores at a reduced rate to your customers? If that don't meet your criteria, how about donating to one of several feeding programs in our community? Many elderly shut ins would love to have some fresh produce however the budgets for the senior citizens programs have been slashed to where at times, all they can afford is a small can of soup , a few crackers and perhaps a hospital sized container of juice.

Shame on you, Aldi's.

All About me A-Z

Playing along with another friends blog.

A. Age: 52
B. Bed size: queen
C. Chore you dislike: Washing windows
D. Dogs: No thanks
E. Essential start to your day: Checking forums
F. Favorite color: Blue tones
G. Gold or silver: Gold
H. Height: 5' 5"
I. Instruments you play(ed): clarinet
J. Job title: No thanks....again
K. Kids: 4= 2 boys + 2 girls
L. Live: Oklahoma
M. Mom's name: Hattie...sorry mom!
N. Nicknames: Jill
O. Overnight hospital stays: Too many to count
P. Pet peeves: People with entitlement issues
Q. Quote from a movie: The Truth? You Can't handle the Truth.
R. Righty or lefty: right
S. Siblings: One brother, three sisters
T. Time you wake up: every two hours whether I like it or not.
U. Underwear: Duh, to go with out is NASTY!
V. Vegetables you don't like: I like them all, just can't eat broccoli any longer.
W. What makes you run late: Tummy issues
X. X-rays you've had: Bunch's
Y. Yummy food you make: Home made mac and cheese, Oatmeal cake
Z. Zoo animal favorites: Snakes, they should all be caged up!

Dear Lord, Thank you for the Rain!

Now, where is that insurance agents phone number? Kayla!!!!!

My home is my Castle or my Prison?

When we purchased our home, it was in the days when buying a home was the biggest and best investment a couple would ever make. Our home is on a corner, it has 12 lots with it, there are no other houses on this block,  it’s on a paved road, 6 or so miles, outside the city limits.

Our little community offers the elementary school, up to the 6th grade, a farmers COOP, volunteer fire department, and a farm machine repair business.

We bought the house in the fall of 1986 and the purchase price was under, 20,000. This was a fantastic deal, especially, for a young couple raising four children. Other families with kids the same ages lived here. All four of ours, found best friends in the community. They started Kindergarten together and ended up graduating High School together.

This is one of those areas where about the only noise, was that of the children playing, with occasional freight trains blowing by on the tracks just east of my home. During the wheat harvest, the truck traffic increased quite a bit at the COOP.  It WAS nice.

Fast Forward to 2011. My Oh My, how our little world has changed.

The Trains never cease. One after another. The higher fuel goes, the more freight trains are running up and down those tracks. All hours of the day or night, whistles blowing. They are required to blow five times for each road crossing.  Sometimes I count that whistle instead of Sheep on those nights that sleep does not come easy!

The COOP, is much busier, since the main crops are no long wheat. Corn, Wheat, Feed, Cotton, and  Soybeans, (which have to kept a certain temp, so 50 amp electric blowers were added),  keeps the place hopping year round. Add in to that mix is the anhydrous ammonia tank farm, so legal or not, seems to always be comings and goings down there.

Within the last few years, the Kaw Nation Indian Tribe, felt generous, and paved and repaved the roads into and out of our community, to make it easier for folks to get to their casino, as opposed to going four miles on up the road, then east out of Newkirk. This has added even additional traffic and road noise, as my house sits quite close to the road, or should I say the HIGHWAY, as that is exactly what it has become.

The newly repaved road sees additional traffic from a rock quarry the sits further east of us. These trucks used a state highway for access up until the last few years. Now they run from daybreak until dark, five and sometimes six days per week.

If all of that is not enough, there seems to be very active oil drilling company or Equipment Company, utilizing this road. I have not figured out just what their destination is, but, with that much equipment, extra large loads with pilot cars, they must have started a storage yard on down the road from us.

I can not believe we have yet to see a major pileup. Our speed limit on the road, in the community is 45, but then goes to 55 and let me tell ya, any AMBITIOUS, Sheriff Deputy, or Highway Patrolman, could meet their monthly ticket quota, in a single day. Not that we have any! The truckers know this......

So, in closing, I tell you, our home is not the best investment we will ever make in today’s world. Regardless of how much money we COULD spend updating and even that we have spent, in today’s markets, we will never see a profit.

IF, we ever get out of here, doubtful, it’s paid for, taxes are reasonable, this  house would have to be a rental.

No One,( in their right mind), would buy this place to bring up their Children.

Hell, maybe that COOP, needs the space for another storage bin........

Guess this is what the world calls progress

Being a Mom, sure sucks at times.

There are times when keeping your mouth shut is about the hardest way to deal with a given situation. If I should say anything, matters will only get worse. Most definitely a WTF or a dammed if I do and dammed if I don’t, situation.

A Mothers intuition is a curse if you ask me. When you can foresee something coming down the line that will affect one of your children, does one warn them? If you had asked me this question in the past, my answer would immediately be yes. Not so sure of that anymore.

Several times in just the last few years, I chose to share those warnings, only to have them come back and bite me in the ass. Believe me, I hate being right, when the consequences involves one of my Children or Grandchildren, to suffer. This is made even more unbearable, when they realize my warnings were right on target, and then proceed to take it out on me, as though my intuition made it happen. I actually had someone say to me that I jinxed them.

Now what to do? If I say nothing, and, one of them are harmed, would the guilt of not passing on a warning, be more tolerable than what I am feeling right now?

Who am I?

For so many years a Mother is known only as Mikes Mom or Michelle's Mom, or JD or Liz's Mom. As a  Mom,  your Children is all the identification needed.  And its all good.

When seated or standing at one of the kids functions, and introductions are made, simply stating whose parent you are, is all that is necessary. An instant understanding between us adults.

Now my Children are all adults, with their own Mom and Dad, identifications. Leaving me with, What?

Yes, I am still a Wife and that identification is there. But, honestly, cooking dinner and washing dirty socks, is not quite as full filling as Motherhood was.

I am also a Daughter, a Sister, and a Grandmother. In all honesty, those roles, are not as fulfilling either.

Granny, Grandma, Heyma, are the terms used by my youngest generation. I don't care what they call me, just with they would call me! I struggle with this identity. Would love to have them over, because they want to spend time with me. Working on a project, or simply just talking or playing is so nice and I truly live for times like that.

However, as these youngster's, enter the tween or teen years, its more of a battle. Walk in the door and head for the computers. The only time I hear Grandma, is when a site or game they are attempting to play, will not load. Or perhaps when they get hungry.  Any attempt to distract them does not go well.

Oh, maybe we will just stay out of the house. Run to the store perhaps? No, that leads to the buy me this or buy me that struggles. I have no problems getting them a treat along the lines of a new toy, or reading material, or even candy of some sort.  Its the I need new shoes, I don't have any socks, or even once, it was a 99.99 , plush animal bed pillow??? Seriously. 

We even went so far as to purchase a game system . A Wii. No interest in that either.

Kids in this age group are so stimulated, that a quiet evening at Grandmas is more like punishment.

So, the Grandma identity, is not going so well.

Not sure where life's twist and turns will guide me next. I do have a need to get re- focused.

That was lost two years ago , with the diagnosis of Cancer.  Apparently, I am not going to die. Its time to get off my duff,  find myself, and do something.

Ring Ring Ring

So today, AT&T finally got the call. Yep, I disconnected my home telephone service. It took me a year to make that final decision.

Our kids and other family members have used the cell phones almost exclusively for the last few years.



The majority of calls on the home phone were either Robo, calls, where some computer dials up a set of numbers, and delivers a recorded message, politicians, or the wonderful world of CHARITIES, soliciting money.



So I say to you:

If you have massive CREDIT CARD DEBT, the NATIONAL RIFFLE ASSOCIATION, may contact the SUSAN B. COLEMAN BREAST CANCER FOUNDATION, who may contact the FRATERNAL ORDER OF POLICE, or even the STATE TROOPERS FOUNDATION, to notify me. IF, all else fails, I am sure the DEMOCRATIC PARTY, knows how to get in touch with us! 

Too much or Too much?

On Friday, March 11, 2011 a huge earthquake hit Japan. This resulted in what is becoming the worst disaster that country has ever seen. For the first time,tsunami waves were documented rolling across the countryside, 6 miles inland they rolled. Destroyed everything in site, then rolled back out, taking many lives and property on out to sea.

Now, there is an issue with that countries Nuclear plants. Two of them are in danger of overheating, thus the possibility of a meltdown.

Like 911, I found myself glued to the TV. Watching the images, over and over. Having enough, of the repeated pictures and stories, nothing new was being shown, I finally changed the channel.

There I was greeted by stories of a firestorm, right here in Oklahoma. Many homes throughout our state were lost, close to fifty was one count.  My friend lives in one of the areas. I will wait to hear if her place was spared, but , I know, she will be extremely busy regardless, as she works as a insurance office manager.

If this were not enough, the news also greets us with word of yet another massacre in Mexico. It seems this has become a daily occurrence.

So, I ask , are were being forced by the news, in the way of instant coverage, to be desensitized to all the tragedies throughout the world?

Or, are you like me. Its just too much to digest in one sitting?

Spring is in the Air...Finally

So very glad to watch a weather forecast this time of year. Seeing highs of 50's and 60's was only but a dream a few short weeks ago.

I have bulbs to plant, a hedge to take out, and houseplants in serious need of re potting. All it takes for motivation, sunshine.

It was a long, harsh winter. I feel as though parts of me died, similar to last years growth on my rosebush.

Don't misunderstand. I do not grieve. Time comes to claim many hopes and dreams, wishful thinking, regret, unrequited love. I release this freely. Sometimes in life, you realize, its not worth the struggle to keep it all alive. 

Have you ever come to a place in your life where your just content being who you are?  There will always be those in your lives who are not happy with ones choices, but, think of it this way. Were you put on this earth to be all things to those people? I was not and I have finally realized, no matter how hard you try to please some people, others will continue to be disappointed, and yet others, will never be happy with who you are.

Yes, I have narrowed down those who will share in my life's journey.  The doors are not closed and locked. Others my join me in this hike at any time. My only requirement, acceptance.

I feel like Blah today!

The holidays are over and done with and we now begin our long, long trek towards spring. If there was any time of the year when I give serious consideration to moving, it is now.

My hands and feet will stay cold for the next few months. We will not see much of the sunshine that I love so very much. Its hibernation time for me and many other animals.

I have some new things in the works to keep my mind occupied. The sewing machine has been oiled and I have many peices of material stockpiled from thrift stores and garage sales.

A new job is also in the works. Very part time. Really have not made up my mind if its to my liking or not, however, a few extra dollars in my pocket per month would be nice.

Wish I felt better. Have started some new anxiety medication, along with kava, kava. Really need to cut caffeine out of the diet, but, when I looked at the price of coffee yesterday, the small cans are now priced at what the larger sized one cost. Glad we stocked up before the price increase. Good Golly, Man! Today was also greeted with a Migraine headache.

There is some work I need to get to, I put it off all last week because the MR. was on vacation all week.

Blah, maybe tomorrow!

Don't upset the Apple Cart!

Ya know, this may come as a surprise to you all. I have had people in my life, my whole life, whom are the type that you find yourself tip toeing around so as to not upset the apple cart. Well, this last year, I said screw that. It didn't turn out so well, but, you know what, I feel so much better. Everything is out there in the open, they know exactly how I feel and how they have made me feel over the years, but, heres is the big shock, instead of them accepting any responsibility for their actions, they, collectively put their heads together and have decided that I need a mental eval, cause I aint' taking any of their shit no more!








So, Here is my quote to start the new year with!







You have done what you could — some blunders and absurdities have crept in. Forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.






Emerson