Being a Mom, sure sucks at times.

There are times when keeping your mouth shut is about the hardest way to deal with a given situation. If I should say anything, matters will only get worse. Most definitely a WTF or a dammed if I do and dammed if I don’t, situation.

A Mothers intuition is a curse if you ask me. When you can foresee something coming down the line that will affect one of your children, does one warn them? If you had asked me this question in the past, my answer would immediately be yes. Not so sure of that anymore.

Several times in just the last few years, I chose to share those warnings, only to have them come back and bite me in the ass. Believe me, I hate being right, when the consequences involves one of my Children or Grandchildren, to suffer. This is made even more unbearable, when they realize my warnings were right on target, and then proceed to take it out on me, as though my intuition made it happen. I actually had someone say to me that I jinxed them.

Now what to do? If I say nothing, and, one of them are harmed, would the guilt of not passing on a warning, be more tolerable than what I am feeling right now?

Who am I?

For so many years a Mother is known only as Mikes Mom or Michelle's Mom, or JD or Liz's Mom. As a  Mom,  your Children is all the identification needed.  And its all good.

When seated or standing at one of the kids functions, and introductions are made, simply stating whose parent you are, is all that is necessary. An instant understanding between us adults.

Now my Children are all adults, with their own Mom and Dad, identifications. Leaving me with, What?

Yes, I am still a Wife and that identification is there. But, honestly, cooking dinner and washing dirty socks, is not quite as full filling as Motherhood was.

I am also a Daughter, a Sister, and a Grandmother. In all honesty, those roles, are not as fulfilling either.

Granny, Grandma, Heyma, are the terms used by my youngest generation. I don't care what they call me, just with they would call me! I struggle with this identity. Would love to have them over, because they want to spend time with me. Working on a project, or simply just talking or playing is so nice and I truly live for times like that.

However, as these youngster's, enter the tween or teen years, its more of a battle. Walk in the door and head for the computers. The only time I hear Grandma, is when a site or game they are attempting to play, will not load. Or perhaps when they get hungry.  Any attempt to distract them does not go well.

Oh, maybe we will just stay out of the house. Run to the store perhaps? No, that leads to the buy me this or buy me that struggles. I have no problems getting them a treat along the lines of a new toy, or reading material, or even candy of some sort.  Its the I need new shoes, I don't have any socks, or even once, it was a 99.99 , plush animal bed pillow??? Seriously. 

We even went so far as to purchase a game system . A Wii. No interest in that either.

Kids in this age group are so stimulated, that a quiet evening at Grandmas is more like punishment.

So, the Grandma identity, is not going so well.

Not sure where life's twist and turns will guide me next. I do have a need to get re- focused.

That was lost two years ago , with the diagnosis of Cancer.  Apparently, I am not going to die. Its time to get off my duff,  find myself, and do something.

Ring Ring Ring

So today, AT&T finally got the call. Yep, I disconnected my home telephone service. It took me a year to make that final decision.

Our kids and other family members have used the cell phones almost exclusively for the last few years.



The majority of calls on the home phone were either Robo, calls, where some computer dials up a set of numbers, and delivers a recorded message, politicians, or the wonderful world of CHARITIES, soliciting money.



So I say to you:

If you have massive CREDIT CARD DEBT, the NATIONAL RIFFLE ASSOCIATION, may contact the SUSAN B. COLEMAN BREAST CANCER FOUNDATION, who may contact the FRATERNAL ORDER OF POLICE, or even the STATE TROOPERS FOUNDATION, to notify me. IF, all else fails, I am sure the DEMOCRATIC PARTY, knows how to get in touch with us! 

Too much or Too much?

On Friday, March 11, 2011 a huge earthquake hit Japan. This resulted in what is becoming the worst disaster that country has ever seen. For the first time,tsunami waves were documented rolling across the countryside, 6 miles inland they rolled. Destroyed everything in site, then rolled back out, taking many lives and property on out to sea.

Now, there is an issue with that countries Nuclear plants. Two of them are in danger of overheating, thus the possibility of a meltdown.

Like 911, I found myself glued to the TV. Watching the images, over and over. Having enough, of the repeated pictures and stories, nothing new was being shown, I finally changed the channel.

There I was greeted by stories of a firestorm, right here in Oklahoma. Many homes throughout our state were lost, close to fifty was one count.  My friend lives in one of the areas. I will wait to hear if her place was spared, but , I know, she will be extremely busy regardless, as she works as a insurance office manager.

If this were not enough, the news also greets us with word of yet another massacre in Mexico. It seems this has become a daily occurrence.

So, I ask , are were being forced by the news, in the way of instant coverage, to be desensitized to all the tragedies throughout the world?

Or, are you like me. Its just too much to digest in one sitting?

Spring is in the Air...Finally

So very glad to watch a weather forecast this time of year. Seeing highs of 50's and 60's was only but a dream a few short weeks ago.

I have bulbs to plant, a hedge to take out, and houseplants in serious need of re potting. All it takes for motivation, sunshine.

It was a long, harsh winter. I feel as though parts of me died, similar to last years growth on my rosebush.

Don't misunderstand. I do not grieve. Time comes to claim many hopes and dreams, wishful thinking, regret, unrequited love. I release this freely. Sometimes in life, you realize, its not worth the struggle to keep it all alive. 

Have you ever come to a place in your life where your just content being who you are?  There will always be those in your lives who are not happy with ones choices, but, think of it this way. Were you put on this earth to be all things to those people? I was not and I have finally realized, no matter how hard you try to please some people, others will continue to be disappointed, and yet others, will never be happy with who you are.

Yes, I have narrowed down those who will share in my life's journey.  The doors are not closed and locked. Others my join me in this hike at any time. My only requirement, acceptance.

I feel like Blah today!

The holidays are over and done with and we now begin our long, long trek towards spring. If there was any time of the year when I give serious consideration to moving, it is now.

My hands and feet will stay cold for the next few months. We will not see much of the sunshine that I love so very much. Its hibernation time for me and many other animals.

I have some new things in the works to keep my mind occupied. The sewing machine has been oiled and I have many peices of material stockpiled from thrift stores and garage sales.

A new job is also in the works. Very part time. Really have not made up my mind if its to my liking or not, however, a few extra dollars in my pocket per month would be nice.

Wish I felt better. Have started some new anxiety medication, along with kava, kava. Really need to cut caffeine out of the diet, but, when I looked at the price of coffee yesterday, the small cans are now priced at what the larger sized one cost. Glad we stocked up before the price increase. Good Golly, Man! Today was also greeted with a Migraine headache.

There is some work I need to get to, I put it off all last week because the MR. was on vacation all week.

Blah, maybe tomorrow!

Don't upset the Apple Cart!

Ya know, this may come as a surprise to you all. I have had people in my life, my whole life, whom are the type that you find yourself tip toeing around so as to not upset the apple cart. Well, this last year, I said screw that. It didn't turn out so well, but, you know what, I feel so much better. Everything is out there in the open, they know exactly how I feel and how they have made me feel over the years, but, heres is the big shock, instead of them accepting any responsibility for their actions, they, collectively put their heads together and have decided that I need a mental eval, cause I aint' taking any of their shit no more!








So, Here is my quote to start the new year with!







You have done what you could — some blunders and absurdities have crept in. Forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.






Emerson