There are times when keeping your mouth shut is about the hardest way to deal with a given situation. If I should say anything, matters will only get worse. Most definitely a WTF or a dammed if I do and dammed if I don’t, situation.
A Mothers intuition is a curse if you ask me. When you can foresee something coming down the line that will affect one of your children, does one warn them? If you had asked me this question in the past, my answer would immediately be yes. Not so sure of that anymore.
Several times in just the last few years, I chose to share those warnings, only to have them come back and bite me in the ass. Believe me, I hate being right, when the consequences involves one of my Children or Grandchildren, to suffer. This is made even more unbearable, when they realize my warnings were right on target, and then proceed to take it out on me, as though my intuition made it happen. I actually had someone say to me that I jinxed them.
Now what to do? If I say nothing, and, one of them are harmed, would the guilt of not passing on a warning, be more tolerable than what I am feeling right now?
A Mothers intuition is a curse if you ask me. When you can foresee something coming down the line that will affect one of your children, does one warn them? If you had asked me this question in the past, my answer would immediately be yes. Not so sure of that anymore.
Several times in just the last few years, I chose to share those warnings, only to have them come back and bite me in the ass. Believe me, I hate being right, when the consequences involves one of my Children or Grandchildren, to suffer. This is made even more unbearable, when they realize my warnings were right on target, and then proceed to take it out on me, as though my intuition made it happen. I actually had someone say to me that I jinxed them.
Now what to do? If I say nothing, and, one of them are harmed, would the guilt of not passing on a warning, be more tolerable than what I am feeling right now?
I have learned that there are people who can hear and those who must learn by doing. Some can avoid a disaster with a warning and assistance on how to prepare, others must experience the disaster to understand the consequences. Even then it does not always create a learning experience.
ReplyDeleteIt is heart breaking to watch when you know there are easier paths, especially when young children are involved and have no choice in the disasters being brought upon them.
However, as you have experienced your words will not stop the disasters, sometimes it can actually prevent you from having access to help after the disaster has occured. I know that has been the case in my family. People have walked away like children throwing tantrums. Their children are then isolated from people who can and would help.
My solution has been to intervene in situations where I can and to close my eyes, cover my mouth, and wait until the dust clears the rest of the time. Isolating the kids is not the solution. That is the outcome when I choose to act and the parents are not willing to hear.
Parenting is the hardest job in the world, hands down. And is is becoming harder as my children grow older. I believe in letting them make their own choices, with limits of course, and try to only step in when I have to. But they do know that I am always here for advice, and I have worked hard to prove to them that nothing they do or say will lessen my love for them. So far, it seems to be working. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you so very much for sharing your thoughts on this! Very much appreciated.
ReplyDeleteMy mother always told me "You have to learn to make your own mistakes" I never really knew what she meant by that until later in life. My mother let me make my own choices in life, whether she approved or not. When I fell, I fell hard and it was up to me to stand back up. I learned from my mistakes and often it would keep me from doing anything even remotely related to the lesson learned.
ReplyDeleteAs an adult, I think about all of my actions before I do them. The consequences they could cause. I think learning on my own made me much more aware of life. It also made me stronger as a person.
Perhaps it depends on the child and the situation. The majority of the time, we will speak up. Less important issues that you know you can't change, it is sometimes better to let it go.
ReplyDeleteOurs hears on a pretty regular basis these days that there is no shame in learning from someone else's mistakes. It's not only smarter, it is a lot less trouble and heartache.